I grew up between divorced parents, from the time that I was 3 years old – flying back and forth between parents by the time I was 5 – living with each parent for 1 or 2 or 3 years before being “transferred” to the other…
Let me assure you that it was HELL on my school records and class schedules! And since I was always the “new kid in town”, I was always having to prove myself all over again, every couple of years…making friends and losing friends…repeatedly starting over…
From all accounts relayed by my parents, siblings, and other relatives, I was a very happy, outgoing child – but all of that changed soon after my parents divorced…
I have 2 younger sisters from the same mother (my youngest sister has a different father) – our mother was a single working woman with 3 children in the early 1970’s…it is tough enough NOWADAYS for a single mother of 3 to survive, so I can only imagine what difficulties that she faced back then!
Unfortunately for all 4 of us, the next 2 men whom she attracted into her life were NOT of very high quality or character – the 1st one was VERY strict and controlling, and the next was verbally and physically abusive…
Needless to say – once our mother was married to the 2nd guy – I quickly learned that to be quiet and to stay out of his sight/way were the best ways to stay out of trouble…so my once happy-go-lucky nature morphed into an extremely shy and timid one…
I have since fought shyness and a HUGE lack of self-esteem for the majority of my life, while struggling with a general fear of authority and being internally compelled to always “follow the rules”…
IT REALLY SUCKS WHEN GROWN-UPS TRAUMATIZE THEIR KIDS IN THESE WAYS – OR WORSE…
While I have learned to discard many of the limitations of my past – and have largely overcome the fears and shyness that were debilitating to me in my younger years – those “personality quirks” have already haunted me for nearly HALF of my life!
I finally drew a line in the sand, though – I told myself that “enough is enough” – I REFUSED to continue to allow those feelings and emotions to haunt me for the remainder of my life…Life is TOO SHORT to waste with self-imposed suffering…
I mentally and emotionally forgave those men who had “warped” my mind and personality when I was still just a child – and it was FORGIVENESS that finally released the negative hold that I had unwittingly allowed them to have on me for DECADES…
I am still in the process of “re-discovering myself”, so to speak – after all, I have only just recently FREED MYSELF from those limiting beliefs…